What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize