I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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