i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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