For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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