this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
