Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
