a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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