Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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