i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
