My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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