I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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