It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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