I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
