i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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