we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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