I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
