I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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