Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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