i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
