god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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