i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
