Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
