Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize