I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
