i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
sarcasm needs its own font
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
ttyl tear gas
It's never too late to be topless.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
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