my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
