i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
