He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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