What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
