Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
