we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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