I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
