My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize