That's when you crack a 10am beer
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
