Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
