i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
