I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
