I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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