who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
