So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize