The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
