Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
