i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
