Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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