First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
