things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
how drunk are you?
Several
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
