FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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