I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
