By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
