My first STD was from a foam party
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
