I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
