This girl is more easily done than said...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
