I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I just googled if crying burns calories
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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