Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
