i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
