Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
