Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
