I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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