dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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