I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
