Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
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