i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
