Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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