I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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