I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
So squirting runs in the family.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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