I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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