I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
