He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
