Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
