Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
