So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I would fuck him just for his dog
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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