are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
