It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
