Michael Bay diarrhea
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
