Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
