so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
