I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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