I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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