So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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