saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize