Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
