I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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