I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
