ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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