wake up i wanna do it froggy style
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
