My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The air was thick with penises
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize