nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
