I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize