I swear she didn't look like that last week.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
