And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I want her autograph on my taint
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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