You're my little dorito
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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