it was like his penis was on wheels.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
