What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
