Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize