Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
