Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
There r osticjed everywhere
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
