Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
