I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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